So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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