how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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