I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
