My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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