I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
