So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
