I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to calm my uterus...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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