They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
