do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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