I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
