So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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