Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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