He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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