Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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