she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
