This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
