Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
