so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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