so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
