i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
