It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
