Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
