College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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