Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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