Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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