Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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