I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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