I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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