we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
