have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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