talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why is there bacon in the couch?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
