Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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