Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
wow bdsm is so cute
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
