Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
