he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
