i just made my gag reflex go away.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
