What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
