I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
