Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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