I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
