we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
