y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
