1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
