you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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