In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
