is your mom at the bar?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
