I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
