hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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