my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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