after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
