Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
